iamme

Re-Entrance?

2011-01-21T21:37:00.002+08:00

It's been almost a year since I blogged here.

So much has happened since.

If by some stroke of luck/chance I still have some one looking here.

I'm sure you're at my new sites as well. But it's nostalgic time now. So I'mma start blogging all over. Just to note my journey to uni.

It won't be here though. (; This stays as a historical chapter for me.

Maybe the occasional update. But that's about it.

the last page.

2010-04-19T14:19:00.002+08:00

For the last time, we have finally come to terms.

I've finally said all the things I've been too afraid to say because I knew they hurt.

I've tried my best, and I was sick of trying to point out to cherish what you have, and not wait till you've lost them.

I know it's cruel, but it's more cruel for myself. I ask of myself to be selfish this time because being selfless for all I can remember, you lose the sanity that holds the fundamentals together.

This time I know it'll be different, for the very reason that I know what I want.

Even if it turns out another way, well, shit happens.

This is the last time I'll be blogging here.

If you must stalk me, I'm pretty sure you'll find your way somehow. (:

-sarahelle

formspring.me

2010-04-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sarahelle

:D

2010-04-04T23:24:00.002+08:00

I think this must be one of those months where I don't blog much. Simply because I'm tired & I know there are some people reading this.

I mean I don't expect this to be private. [to be honest, it's quite fun to know people do read]

Anyway, point of this post is that, I think I would be posting less as the days go by. (then again, I'm known to have crazy tendencies for everything of all sorts.)

till my next wave of crazies, love y'all.

HELLO

2010-03-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

HELLO ALL. *waves to all my non existent blog readers*

:D:D

sorry i've not updated for the -i.dont.know.how.long.already.-

As most would know through facebook and twitter, I am on my 3rd week of ITP now.

It's quite fun working at deloitte honestly.

I've been almost all over SG in a short 2 weeks.

I dont want to, but there are times in which I feel so alone.

honestly, in times like these, friends are the most awesome people to have around.

OH MY BESTIE MADE MY DAY, he said, : "i don't know but somehow you seem to fit into the serena character a lil"

FROM GOSSIP GIRL Y'KNOW. :D:D

HAHAHHAHA! okay. i'm a tad crazy now.(:

the game

2010-03-15T01:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes, you need to be able to differentiate between reality & dreams.

You moved on. Seeing me moving on probably hurts you as much as it hurt me when I saw you move on. I'm just letting it go. I know it won't be fast, but it means something when it's moving forwards, not backwards.

I'm getting baptised this year.

It's probably one of the steps I'm making.

I hope you'll be happy and meant what you said when you didn't want to think about it anymore. I just want the best for you and hopefully, you would too.

I'm closer to closing this chapter. I hope yours isn't too much of an upset ending, because mine isnt. My summary includes all our best memories.

deloitte & touche.

2010-03-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

before i got to DTT, I pronounced their co. as deloitte & touche. like too-shay.

Got there, I heard deloitte & toosh. i laughed. Cos I thought I first heard douche. :D

Okay that aside.

i don't know how you feel, and honestly, it's funny how people in general really just treasure what they have only after they lose it.

I don't know if you will read this anymore, but I think you have moved on, and keep moving on. Don't look back. Because when you did, I tried my darnest to do so too.

I miss you too, but I managed to make my first step.

I can never thank you enough for everything you have done.. It's more than I can say...

smiles.

2010-03-07T02:28:00.001+08:00

Up In the Air was an AWESOME MOVIE.

I kid you not.

what was also awesome was the company(:

Sometimes, little things make me smile and appreciate life a little more.

Stop to smell the roses once in awhile. Makes life bearable.

2 year anniversary

2010-03-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

it's our 2 years/ 24 months/ 104 weeks/ 731 days/ 17544 hours/ 1052640 minutes/ 63158400 seconds. if, we were still.

Numbers were part of our story together, and it will be.

It's been 2 months now, he's moved on. But I am not too sure about myself.

I really can't believe it's already March. Honestly, I thought I would take a shorter amount of time to get over and all. Given how I am and the fact that most of my friends said so.

If this does go on, I really don't know how it'll happen. moving on, that is.

When I tell stories/happenings, I still say boyfriend. And I go like, I mean ex.

Somehow it hurts, just a little bit everytime I say that.

food for thought?

2010-03-02T00:30:00.002+08:00

6 more days, it'll have been our 2 years..

I miss you so much. I know that normal would make me want to run back into your arms, your warm hug, your loving.

But I guess the strong in me is preventing me to do that. But she's breaking. She really is.

I don't know why but it seems so hard to get the whole date out of my mind.

I don't know if you'll take me back.

I am so sick of this, and my tolerance levels is dangerously low this week..

I think it's finally showing signs. of breaking, that is.

I don't know if my body can take all that anymore. It's not fun having relapses.

I miss you so much.

words.

2010-02-26T02:16:00.003+08:00

I am not a very picture person. Not because I don't like them in fact I love visual aids, but I'm too darn lazy.

So I just wanted to update here I guess, I realised it's all been quite cryptic.

I just finished Auditing & Finance paper, both didn't complete the papers. First time ever in my life to ever do that. I feel so screwed yet so nerdy.

I don't know why but I felt very happy a couple of hours ago. I think it's those mood swings or it'll be my sleep deprivation telling me something.

I think it's all about the mentality about people. I think I am too impatient a person (I have a life) to actually pen down things one by one. My brain is working at like 10 times the speed of my hands. D:

Everytime I think of something good to write, it is surpassed by another train of thought because my hands are of normal speed. :D

So anyway, just wanted to say that I am indeed fat now. Joe is always testifying to that saying how flat my tummy was when I first met him. D: gahhh.

SO phat. ): my appetite is off the hook. I think I need to check it for tape worms or something.

All in all, things are pretty much alright. A couple of eyebrow-raising incidents, but hey, I never know who might be reading this and killing me after. (:

formspring.me

2010-02-26T02:13:00.001+08:00

if you can go abck to the past, what is the ONE wrong u wan to correct?

making the decision to come back to study Poly instead of yr 12 & 13.

Ask me anything

(':

2010-02-23T18:59:00.002+08:00

It hurt so much to see that you've moved on. But I am glad you did. Made me feel lighter, albeit it made me want to cry my eyes out and numb my heart.

At least I know you're getting better, and forgetting me.

I'm starting to compare every other man with you, and I see how inadequate they are. I realized it's just my standards getting higher and higher. I can't seem to understand why that is happening. I'm getting afraid that I may never love another man as much as I loved you.

It kills me that I made the decision. But I know I made it for both of us.

I just miss you so.

I hope you're doing great and will be great, for as long as you are happy, I will be.

CNY '10

2010-02-17T02:45:00.002+08:00

I actually am thankful for everything.

Despite whatever that had happened, I still managed to be happy.

I mean the fact that I wasn't like really uptight about the whole red packet thing surprised me. I guess it's just the fact that I'm growing up and learning to accept and be thankful for the better things happening.

Honestly, the CNY actually also made me realize that I'm really much stronger, thoughtful and clear about what I want.

I blog more often someplace else.(: rest will be there...

HAPPY TO THE MAX

2010-02-11T02:34:00.003+08:00

I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

formspring.me

2010-02-09T18:07:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sarahelle

quickie.

2010-02-08T02:06:00.002+08:00

Just a quickie post before I go back to RWPS.

I am actually working on that story my friends urge me to write. Hopefully something will come out of it.

Even if it doesn't, I'm sure it's worth the time for myself.

"girls just need someone to care enough to try hard enough to fight hard enough for her."

- sarah.elle 2010

I can't remember the number of times I wished he would try harder to fight harder.

Maybe one day, I'll be where I want to be.

But right now, murphy's my best friend who doesn't want to leave.

rambles.

2010-02-07T03:14:00.002+08:00

at some point, more often than not, we get so confused.

there's always that particular obstacle, that you just don't know how to go through even though you've been through so much.

I don't exactly know how to pen all these thoughts in my head down.

But I think it boils down to knowing your strength, & knowing how much it'll take to overcome the crap.

I really thought I needed someone all the time.

But I just realised, I needed someone to care, just enough.

And I am tired. But I know that this will make me stronger, & closer to the person I want to be.

Independent. I know there are friends who will go =.= STILL NOT ENOUGH?

But maybe this is the time, to test myself if I am strong enough to pull through. :D

I sound as if I'm dying.. LOL!

&& I should write a book someday, maybe earn BIG bucks. ahh, my life is never about luck or anything. plain fucking hard work & shit. :D

maybe one day. i'll be there.

happening weekend. :D

2010-02-01T13:02:00.003+08:00

Friday: jubilee stuff, watched jazz concert, ate at clementi. home.. (HAHA!)

Saturday: went to school, fainted, rested, got hypered, good jubilee dinner, awesome birthday party later, (met awesomes!), asshole daidee ftw & macdonalds was just plain epic.. :D

Sunday: woke up at 4pm. tired by 10pm. \:

Albeit I felt fucking terrible for a couple hours on saturday, I still had fun.

to bestie: i'm sorry.. I guess I'm wrong about the never fighting thing between us.. but i still love you :D

to all the shit i am in: i will get through this. i'm way stronger than you.

somehow, i never thought i'll feel this way.. it feels stupid. \:

&& now bad news. tax retest will be damn hard. sighs. what happened to my streak?

I was enjoying the first half monday. now, bad. \:

obsession.

2010-01-30T02:12:00.000+08:00

I really do NOT understand the crazy obessions with IDOLS. (in recent example SHINee or SNSD or wtv.)

They can spend like their entire savings or beg their parents for money to fly where ever, or camp at the airport for the fucking longest time. Get friends to buy you food, get friends to help bite other crazy people for you, get friends to bend over backwards, JUST SO YOU CAN SEE YOUR IDOL?

hello?!? they are HUMAN. albeit better looking (mostly plastic surgery) & rich, but they have 2 EYES, 1 NOSE, 1 MOUTH, 2 HANDS, 2 LEGS, A TORSO & A FREAKING PELVIS.

I mean why bother spending the time & effort for this? Isn't it better staying home, after buying their music (poster blah) & enjoying it in your FREAKING comfort? =.=

Really, I never will be able to understand this type of obsession.

Okay I can forgive the spending crazy loads on a good concert from them. ['cause they ARE making a living]

These obsessed 'fans' are just GLAD to see the jacket of their idol after all the long waiting, screaming, asking favours of ALL friends, & spending.

IF YOU GET TO SAY:

Hold his/her hand
Hug him/her
Kiss him/her
Sleep him/her
HE/HER ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR PRESENCE =.=

then, alright. Go ahead. But do let me know if that happens.

If it does, then WELL DONE. BIG SCORE (which happens like what? less than once in a blue moon)

If it doesn't, oh COME ON, move on with life. REAL life.

GOSH.

(':

2010-01-27T23:21:00.001+08:00

I think for the first time, I really felt like giving C a BIG HUG.

She's been really strong & I admire her for that. She's stuck in between a lot of things & people.

And no doubt there was a lot going on, shooting people down all around, she managed to stay strong.

Babe, I know you're really tired. Stay strong & let me know if I can help in anyway.

Honestly, I don't deny that in many ways people see me as a traitor what not. But I think I stand up for the right reasons & right time.

Everyone is not fault-less. But why push people over the edge when they are doing the best they can to balance?

I'm not writing this to be a PR nonsense. I couldn't care less about what you think about me.

I just hate to see all the friends & people I care about going through so much stress. I love you all!

Developing a positive attitude & mindset to persevere & help others during the times. I'll be there (as much as I can).

Big, Big, Sigh.

2010-01-27T02:54:00.002+08:00

I was going over some pictures from the recent years, i.e. 08 & 09.

& I realized how YOUNG I USED TO LOOK. really.. (go see my FB pictures from like xmas, nye 08)

& I used to look alright. Now, HIDEOUS.

Is it really 'cos I'm not in love? when things aren't going right for me?

I was at NTUC buying stuff, queuing up to pay, & I looked up and I GASPED. LOUDLY!

Reason: I looked to haggard & down my cheeks were like BESIDE MY LIPS. =.=

For the first time in history, I ACTUALLY CONTEMPLATED TO USE FACIAL LIFT products.

honestly, this sucks. bad hair, bad face, bad everything.

can I even fix this? I NEED EXTREME MAKEOVER!

freaky much?

2010-01-24T22:29:00.004+08:00

I had a good weekend.(:

but this dream was just, weird.

I woke up at 7pm today... having just ended this particular dream...

I found out I was dead. But I was kinda at a mall with this 2 guy friends who were dead too..

At the beginning I was at Vivo alone, shopping for stuff when I realized I was dead. (NO IDEA HOW I DIED).

Later, I met this 2 dead guys among all the living people. We took like long flights of escalators to a huge shopping area (like taka?).

We were talking about where we lived & all. & how I missed the living people I knew.

Later when we were at the store, I knew I had unlimited budget & the 2 guys as well.

I bought shit loads of stuff I ALWAYS WANTED.

Like the books I wanted to read, all the stationaries I loved (I'm a stationary person), the iPhone (or iTouch), the clothes I always loved, the shoes, bags, food, & on and on.

Best bit: I had a car. (either it was one of the guys or mine.) But it was a BMW convertible 2 seater. The guy was driving & I was just enjoying the ride home..

I remembered smiling at him & I woke up.

honestly, in my dream, the guy was just cute. (no idea how he looked like, but I knew he was cute. LOL)

how I wish I had unlimited budget & also afterlife would be so COOL!

but one thing I remembered: I had no one. Like I didn't love anyone and no one really loved me. (like that SPECIAL someone you know?) \:

MORAL:

it's nature's way of saying: HAHA! You'll only get the life you want when you're DEAD!

ah, life just kicks you in the places that hurts the most. (:

LOL JFL!

2010-01-24T22:00:00.002+08:00

couple-ship, single-ship

2010-01-22T03:05:00.003+08:00

M told me to go watch some korean variety show "we got married" or something like that.

he told me very touching & he's worried that he can't find a girlfriend (or wife).

I asked him, isn't being single better?

he said: after you break up, for a period of time, yea it'll be. but after, not so much.

I looked at A's photos on FB (that idiot, dump me into this pensive mood) & realize, many examples show this. that everyone changes after getting into or getting out of a relationship.

but the question however, is if you changed for the better or worse. & how you view it.

honestly, I'm glad to have sawah & bestie for reality checks from time to time. they may not know it, but when they tell me something, or when we just simply talk, it reminds me about a whole lot of stuff.

I once said this: my boy is my reality check in my drama filled life.

now that he's not my boy any longer, i've only myself to rely on. it feels weird to suddenly lose someone that has been there for you for almost 2 years..

i mean i'm not being a bitch or anything. i did make a decision for a reason.

it's just really weird that I've that empty space in me. I'm trying to move past it, slowly. I am..

& he told me he's getting used to it as well.. So I mean I shouldn't fret about it right?

sorry that i'm kinda ranting. but y'know, when you get into this pensive mood y'needa get it outta your system.

I'm missing JIS, brunei, the lame outings at THE MALL, the fun we had, the experiences. :D

with head held high, i'll move on with how much shit life throws at me.

the more, the better.

smile everyone.(:

headache-ing

2010-01-20T02:56:00.003+08:00

urgh. stupid headache drives me up the wall.

day 18... not doing any better since day 16...

i need a pick me up.

& this may sound crazy: i'm actually very tempted to do the below:

(when I say tempted I mean I REALLY want to do it)

get a tattoo
drive
have a car
dance again
get iTouch ( never going to happen )

ah wait, all of that has the possibility of happening as me striking the lottery.

honestly, I've the worst luck ever. I'm sorta like a jinx.

When I play cards with my friends, my hand is most of time, if not always, the worst of all.

I wish someone good luck for MJ, he loses. I wish him bad luck, he doesn't win or lose. =.=

SERIOUSLY. what is UP WITH ME MAN!

I totally hate the word "jinx" man. it's like following me my entire life & brings back waves of bad memories! yuck..

even when i was with joe. I remembered the first week he got together with me, his fav soccer team loses a match, something happened at work.

jinx, can you please leave me alone already?

Most friends say I'm an optimist. even I get angry, doesn't take me long to get all crazy again.

But bestie said this about me: I'm not a natural optimist, I force myself to be one & I'm a downright pessimist.. I just put on the mask of optimism.

so, true? or not?

Maybe I do think of the worst scenarios, but I choose not to believe. But maybe thinking of the worst scenarios already defies the definition of optimism.

& maybe, just maybe, I FUCKING THINK TOO MUCH!

damn it woman, just stay positive. :D

I MISS YOU SAWAH! :D ME LOVE YOU LESBO. HUGS.

ahh all that crap aside, I HATE MY STUPID HEADACHE!

I need to be my age man. like pronto. asap. URGENT!

sinking

2010-01-16T20:15:00.002+08:00

I think it's sinking in that I'm just not with D anymore.

It's really hard to believe. At times I will want to call him to tell him something mundane, ask him inane questions.

It's been almost 2 years..

& honestly, I'm really glad we ended on good terms.

to a certain extend, it makes it harder..

*BIG sigh*

I guess I'm going to have to start on RWPS. I keep SAYING it. I need to do it before my group mates wake up tomorrow.

Love, is a double edge sword.

It makes you love so much, and makes you hate so much.

It fills you up, and leaves a huge gaping hole.

Tears are now just.

cry.

2010-01-14T22:27:00.002+08:00

I really miss the days where I have someone to cuddle up to after a long, hard and bad day.

I miss lying on my back, talking, sharing, and sometimes, just quiet with best friends.(:

I miss you SAWAH! D:

Wish you were here, or better would be me in Bristol!

urgh. I'm missing so many people, so much past memories, and most of all, innocence before anything happened.

Sometimes, we wait for karma, but it doesn't seem to really appear.

karma, oh karma, caught up with all the bitches yet?

maybe one of these days, I'll be karma.

I'm totally screwed up, at least for today. (:

NICE~

2010-01-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

BEST(:

2010-01-13T01:05:00.001+08:00

I know you want pop, you want dance, you want rock and roll

You wanted boom boom? This year’s remix got symphonic soul

I got pop, I got dance, I got rockin’ electronic club beats,

I got hip-hop music with the future flow,

So don’t worry, even if the sky is falling down, down, down

Gonna be ok when it knocks you down, down, down,

So baby don’t worry, it’s alright, a-alright when it knocks you down

When you go down, when you go down down

No need to worry, just pick back up when you’re tumbling down, down, down (down, down)

It’s like I’ve been awakened

Every step I’m taking

Every rule I had you breaking

Every move I’m making

The risk that I’m taking

The chances I’m taking

With a big smile on my face

And it never seems out of place

Blame it on the pop, blame it on the dance, blame it on the rock and roll

Blame it on the rumba, so in sync with the symphonic soul

I like that pop, I like that bass, I like them rockin’ electronic club beats

Blame it on the hip-hop music with the future flow

Baby, don’t worry, it’s alright, a-alright when it knocks you down

Somewhere far along this road,

Stressed out, I wanna let it go, I feel down, down, down (baby are you down, down, down, down, down)

And oh, (hey) I’ve been traveling on this road too long (too long)

Just trying to find my way back home (back home)

The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone

I gotta feeling

Woo hoo

I found God

Blame it on the pop, blame it on the dance, blame it on the rock and roll

Blame it on the feeling of the music deep insi-i-i-ide your soul

We got the pop, we got the dance, we got the rockin’ electronic club beats

We got the hip-hop music with the future flow

People in the place

Put your put your hands in the air

Now put your hands up, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Forever united here,

Blame it on the po-po-po-po-poker face po-po-poker face

So live your life (hey!)

Let’s live it up (Ho!)

If you wanna get down (Hey!)

down (Ho!) down (Hey!)

Muh muh muh muh (Ho!)

I wanna get down, (hey!) down, down (Ho!)

So baby, don’t worry, it’s alright, a-alright when it knocks you down

When you go down, when you go down down

No need to worry, just pick back up when you’re tumbling down, down, down (down, down)

Blame it on the pop, blame it on the dance, blame it on the boom boom boom

Gotta get that rumba, blame it on the 808 with the boom boom boom

Gotta get that pop, gotta get that dance, gotta get that boom boom pow

I gotta get, I gotta get this year’s remix with the future sound.

I gotta feeling,

But I never really had a doubt,

that tonight’s gonna be a good night,

that tonight’s gonna be a good night,

and I say the same thing every single time

you know that I could use somebody, (woo hoo)

Open up your plans and damn your free (Hey!)

Look into your heart and you’ll find love, love, love

Stop stop stop feeling down, down, down

Can’t you see love, love love?

Isn’t this easy feeling love, love love?

Down down down,

It’s like I’ve been awakened

Can’t you see every step I’m taking

Don’t be afraid

The risk that I’m taking

Can’t you see, I’ve had a little too much feeling down, down, down

Can’t you see every move I’m making

Every rule I had you breaking

Isn’t this easy feeling love, love, love

We’ll make it out of this mess.

Change your mind

Baby just say yes,

Da da da da da da da da da da..……

normal.

2010-01-08T19:51:00.002+08:00

normal? what's normal?

It's limited by your definition.

same way people define rich or poor.

it's day 5, first day since day 0 that I have nothing to do. (or rather, I'm so tired I can't do anything much)

it would have been 22 months & a day. (:

JL is right, when we were together, we forget all the dates. Now that this happened, I remember. (:

So anyway, I think after 10 over years, so much heartaches, pain, tears, I think my heart finally died. I never thought it was possible, seeing all the crazy notes, crazy actions I do every each one. I still had enough heart enough to keep trying...

I think they found the cure to my soft heart. I don't know to be proud or upset. really.

It pains me every time I care even though I say I hate it.

Now somehow I'm finally not emotional at all. Sucks eh?

I miss you D.

):

2010-01-06T22:13:00.003+08:00

Changes in people we thought we once knew. sighs.

J & bestie is right.(:

I still miss you so much.

heartache

2010-01-05T22:27:00.003+08:00

I know that it's only been 2 days, doesn't feel like much, but it hurts. It really does.

There are moments where I just want everything back the way it was.

I really miss you. I miss hugging you and I didn't want to let go.

It hurts me. So much more than what's been going on.

I got my RWPS back, 79 marks. [honestly, a tad stupid, 'cause 80 is A, but I couldn't be bothered to argue]

CF project got 85(:

CF CA2 got 94(:

Thanks bestie! LOL!

to tell the truth, I gave up on ______ already, I think for the first time in god-knows-how-long, I didn't even bother anymore. It was like, I had better things to care about.

22 months of sweets(:

2010-01-03T21:28:00.004+08:00

It's been the best time of my life. (:

Thank you, for everything.

2009:

I'm thankful for J, for everything he's done for me. ♥ ♥

I'm thankful for SPSU's hectic work. (very weird thing to be thankful for, but I mean it)

I'm thankful for my awesome birthday party ♥

I'm thankful for I've met another best friend. (:

I'm thankful for the week I had in Brunei with Sarah B(:

I'm thankful for the wonderful friends I've made in 2009.

I'm thankful for moving on to Year 2 with average results (:

Things that I didn't like, honestly, I don't remember anymore. I'm just like that.

Bad memories just do not have a folder in my memory boxes.

2010 resolutions:

I will be strong.

I will be hardworking. (I can see myself breaking that already.LOL)

I will love all my friends.

I will remember J, always.

I will make new friends.

I will stay single.

I will get good grades to be the best I can be.

I will be who I am with a smile on my face.

Adversities, bad luck, obstacles, head along full force to my direction. But I'll never break.

That, I promise.

2009 Year End Post.

2009-12-29T00:09:00.006+08:00

I AM LOOKING FOR POA OR

PRIMARY SCHOOL

MATHEMATICS TUITION

STUDENTS.

Please let me know if you know

anybody in need of such tuition!(:

HELLO EVERYBODY!

I'm posting about whole 2009! (:

January: GL training, CNY 2009.

February: GL training, End of Year 1 Exams, Valentines

March: NYAA camp, GL training, First Aid Course, Enrolment, GL marriage, GL prep camp, FO Camp 2009/2010, 1st year celebration ♥

April: FO Camp 2009/2010, Brunei trip, FOWA.

May: RDC, Union Interviews, CCA Conference, E63's ARRIVAL!~

June: AGM, EXCO Outing, SIFE 2009, 03 Pulau Ubin (hurt my knee bad), MST

July: MST

August: Exam

September: Exam, GYL Camp 09/10, D's Birthday, SB MAD Facil Camp, LTC workshop & CAMP!!!! (:

October: MAD CAMP! (Met BF:D) Birthday CHALET, turned 18 ♥

November: WWW, EGM, Marche w 5,

December: Exams, Prawning (:, Curled my HAIR, Bangs AGAIN ):

Conclusion: First half of 2009 is basically eating, sleeping, shitting SPSU. (: Lots of stuff, generally not many things went well, but hey, what are obstacles for eh? (:

I'll miss turning 18. :D

I'm feeling many emotions I never thought I'll be feeling, but after so many times, I think I've finally reached a limit... Will it come to that point? It's make or break eh?

Have a great 2010 everyone! LOVE!

HAHA!

2009-12-27T00:11:00.004+08:00

joke time:

This 92 old man went to the mall and sat on a empty bench.

This youngster, with punk-mohawk hair in red, green & purple came by and sat nxt to the old man, so the old man started staring.

The youngster then said: Why are u staring at me? haven't done anything crazy like me?

The old man replied: Actually I have, I remember this drunken night I had, I slept with a peacock, so I'm wondering if ur my son.

FUNNY RIGHT.

forgive me for being dumb. but its the

only way to be happy!

Meet Me Halfway

2009-12-25T04:08:00.001+08:00

lyrics:

Ooh~ I cant go any further then this
Ooh~ I want you so badly, its my biggest wish

Cool, I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, im really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to use to do
Hey girl, what's up, it use to use to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes im really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to use to do
Hey girl what's up, girl what's up, what's up, what's up

Can You Meet Me Halfway, right at the borderline
Is where im gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where ill stay
I cant go any further then this
I want you so bad its my only wish

Girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe i go to other galaxies
Just tell me where you go, just tell me where you wanna meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl i want, i, i, i want you right now
I travel uptown (town) i travel downtown
'Wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
I love you always.. way

Can you meet me half way (Ill meet you halfway)
Right at the borderline
Is where im gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where ill stay
I cant go any further then this
I want you so bad its my only wish
I cant go any further then this
I want you so bad its my only wish

Lets walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)

I will try, until i die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
For for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Meet me half way, right at the borderline
Where im gonna wait, for you
Ill be lookin out, night nday
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where ill stay
I cant go any further then this
I want you so bad its my only wish
I cant go any further then this
I want you so bad its my only wish

Victoria Secret!

2009-12-24T16:38:00.003+08:00

SUPER SEXY OKAY!

I miss having nothing to worry about. Can't even remember the last time that happened.

Anyway, it's really embarrassing to be alcohol OD. SERIOUSLY!

X was OD quite badly a couple of days ago, and it was not a pretty sight. Mumbled nonsense, cried and I think X wanted to jump into the river.

I think this is the funniest part:

X was accompanied by A to the toilet, on the way, saw B & C.

X just collapsed on the floor.

They brought X to the toilet, after X was done, X asked B how to unlock the door.

(X has NO RECOLLECTION of this!)

Later into the night Z was also very close to being drunk & fell asleep. X started to be very incoherent, puking out nothing. X did not eat and drank quite a lot.

Z woke up after awhile & was still tipsy, seeing X on the floor, Z was talking nonsense which agitated X even more. so B screamed at Z until Z became sober to help X.

After an hour or so, X still had not calm down and was really talking rubbish. Had to call the ambulance. X somehow heard them talking about it and started to get more worked up.

Soon after, paramedics came to check on X, pricked X's finger to check sugar level, BP check.

Paramedics just told us X has alcohol OD.

So X kept screaming to not go home, we had no choice but to bring X to school. X was VERY HEAVY!

Z & Y was helping to carry X and kept saying :TA HEN ZHONG! (chinese for X is VERY HEAVY!)

X also complained that Y was smelly! LOL! SUPER FUNNY.

So we brought X back to school and X could not settle down. REALLY!

X was going on about things X had to do. damn hard. so A screamed at X to sleep.

HAHA. finally X was less agitated or crazy or drunk? LOL

SUPER FUNNY LA. really. Y later also used smelly socks to put in X's face.

X later apologized & thanked everyone that was there to help. (I for one know that X feels SUPER BAD about it)

HAHA. So moral of story: DO NOT DRINK ON EMPTY STOMACH! DON'T!!

2009-12-22T13:09:00.001+08:00

honestly, I want to blog.

But, too much things I want to say, don't know where to start.

P.R.A.W.N.

2009-12-20T01:03:00.004+08:00

okay so I woke up early at 8.30 to wake stupid YAU up. to only know that he fell back asleep ltr. -.-

10.30 we were supposed to meet at outram park to train down to sengkang.

10.25 he called to tell me he is still at home (east side) I texted him to call me once he is 15 mins away from outram.

10.57 text received: "hey sis. 15-20 mins away"

11.32 he arrived. srsly. 1 HOUR LATE. dumb shit.

nvm.. we took the 1pm shuttle to marina country club.

We had what we assumed to be dog food as baits. (He didn't dare to touch it, so it's up to me.)

Initial prawns at pond 1 were pretty small.. but I still didn't dare to touch it? so that is HIS job.

We were making ALOT of noise. the other couple were like "professional" (I mean boring and dull and serious).

HAHA. so these were the prawns caught at pond 1!

I decided to take a look at pond 2 & 3 for the fun of it. & I realised that the prawns looked bigger and it was easier to see at the bottom of pond 3. So we proceeded to pond 3 for the heck of it. (turned out well)

We caught a mummy prawn! I really wanted to let it go. But decided against it cos it sprayed water on me! FIDGET NON STOP. super survivor.

The other couple and other people had a practice of removing the prawn's tiny pincers once they are caught. we saw lots of broken limbs around. super inhumane can. It's like someone caught you and removed your arms? So we just took a longer time to subdue it to remove the hook. (We managed to get some of the bait out of their mouths too!)

Later, we got more ambitious. CAUGHT A BIG ONE!! (:

The last pic is like half cooked? (:

EATING~~ WOOHOO

11 prawns in total.

2 FREAKING HUGE ONES.

the rest mediums & smalls.

mummy's prawn roe.. (: he liked it.

So later we failed to catch the 4.30 shuttle.

We called a cab to go sengkang mrt.

I was gg to be late.

STUPID BITCHY MANAGER.

nvm. i complained 3 times to SS, DD & AY alr.

Don't want to piss myself off again. LOL.

I'm super agitated about such stuff. :D

first week hols.

2009-12-18T02:55:00.003+08:00

I am apprehensive..

Of everything, of the future.

even F.R.I.E.N.D.S is in tune.

Jealous about xiaxue's proposal.

I need a sanity check, a grounded reality.

how do you tell if you're doing right without making the mistake first?

Sajna - Couples' Retreat Soundtrack

When you smile, I'll smile with you

When you cry, I'll feel it too

You're my soul, my heart calling out to you

Be my eyes when I can't see

Be my voice when I can't speak

Be my life when darkness creeps on me

Chorus:

ho~ sajna, sajna, sajna, re

hai just sajna sajna sajna re

sajna, sajna, sajna, re
hai just sajna sajna sajna re

Through the stars that shine so bright

'Cross the sky and across the night

Making ways to be right by your side

Hold me close don't let me go
Hold me tight don't you say no
Save the love we have forever more

Chorus

Save me, when my dream catches fire

Save me, in my only desire

Wake me, when the pain is over

Take me, now, take me now (X2)

When you smile, I'll smile with you
When you cry, I'll feel it too
You're my soul, my heart calling out to you

Be my eyes when I can't see
Be my voice when I can't speak
Be my life when darkness creeps on me

Through the stars that shine so bright,
'Cross the sky and across the night
Making ways to be right by your side

Hold me close don't let me go
Hold me tight don't you say no
Save the love we have forever more...

Dazzling @ M.M.

2009-12-17T01:25:00.004+08:00

On 15 December 2009,

1500 hours: I was waiting for my jade green toga dress to arrive. (I pray for it to come)

1515: K called & was at my doorstep

1520: Left for G1 hair studio & told pesky BRO ♥ to wait for my dress

1525: Started to do HAIR! (:

1600: back to place.. still no dress. ):

1650: did K's make up & mine, in my back-up dress. Choosing SHOES & CLUTCH. Longest crap ever.

1700: finally made it out of my place. CAB-ED

1720: arrived at MM. (:

1725: got my TATTOO! (: SEXY!

1730 - 2230: Pre-event, Dinner, Doodled..

0100: home (:

I want to upload PICTURES here, really. but FB took up so much of my time. go there see okay! (:

ooh: I had PERM-ED MY HAIR!

HAHAH (:

Intended style.~

softening~~

♥ ♥ ♥

hungry & tired?

2009-12-12T03:44:00.006+08:00

o-la amigos. (:

financial accounting is over~ (: I'm just praying.

I had a serious adrenaline rush on thursday night and was literally bouncing. :D

But I had to calm down to start studying. (at 12am)

After which I was told something that totally. pissed. me. off.

No.1 it's confidential. Even if it's accessible to you, it doesn't say COME & READ ME.

It's called self constraint. Is this why guys always have to jack off to porn or stare at a girl's body? & please, just have the decency to ~~ask for permission~~ let me know.

No.2 Just because I have achieved more things in 1.5 years than your whole pathetic life, doesn't give you the right to call me power-hungry. (or anything else for that matter)

No.3 I don't think I should even lower myself to his level to be even angry at him.

Oh, by the by, I HARDLY KNOW HIM. (:

& he is not even my friend on facebook.

I'M NOT KIDDING! SERIOUSLY!

He proved to me bitches can have dicks. Oh, wait, maybe (s)he doesn't. (:

*oh, I can be mean. XD

Okay after which, I was alright 'cos I was concentrating on studying.

So, MORNING! & paper came & went.

Had a mini shopping trip with Jasmine, & had sushi tei.

talked lots. (:

after which, go home, finally finish sweeping the floor. (I started on monday :x)

got 2 parcels. ♥ and went to take a short nap before having dinner at Joe's place ♥ ♥

I have a JAM-PACKED schedule coming right up, but I'll enjoy every moment of it.

Sometimes, when I do things you may not understand, it doesn't mean I am not your friend. In fact, I am pretty sure I am a ~~good~~ great friend. You, of all people should know that. I know that it may not seem this way at times, but trust me. (: GUCCI will stay the best among the rest. (;

HH!!

2009-12-11T15:31:00.003+08:00

HEY GIRLS! I bought this recently, but i'm selling it now! (;

reason: quite short for me.. (:

thank YOU! I paid 12.50 + 2.24 for it, i'm willing to let it go at 12. (:

email me at sarah.iamme@live.com okay! (: or if you know me just tell me. (:

credits: hollyhoque.livejournal.com

): & (:

2009-12-10T03:27:00.004+08:00

UPDATED!

ahh.. I'm tired.~

audit - down. PLEASE LET ME GET 65!

cost - over (: Please let me score.

cf - down. PLEASE LET ME GET 65-70!

tax - ~~Please don't kill me.~~

too many complications. TUTORIAL IS STRAIGHT FORWARD! then STUPID EXAM give FUNNY complications. (56-82) I AM REALLY PRAYING ON THIS.

facc - Please don't make me die.

thurs / fri: hopefully, my 3 packages arrives.

6 pieces of dresses & tops for slightly over $70 WITH REG POSTAGE. (:

saturday - maybe new hairstyle, CAREFREE MODE~ get more XMAS PARTIES~

sunday - oh my god. too many THINGS!

monday after, NOTHING TO DO.

TO DO:

~~clean window grills~~

~~wash wall fan~~

~~sweep floor~~

~~mop my room~~

~~re-organize wardrobe~~

NOTHING TO DO! (:

Tuesday! AD!! (: I'll update again~ (:

O-LA~

2009-12-04T00:30:00.001+08:00

I'm __________________.

I have no idea how to fill in that BLANK. \:

I kinda miss lots of stuff.

EVERYTIME when exams are coming. -.- SRSLY.

pick a better time to be nostalgic SARAH!

BREATHER!~

MY SURVEY for RWPS. (:

2009-11-30T14:00:00.005+08:00

HELLOS~ Please fill it in IF YOU ARE FROM SP okay. (: thanks!! (:
Loading...

thank goodness.

2009-11-29T02:13:00.002+08:00

o-la~ amigos.

I just married a spanish guy.

Look, I'm going to prove something here.

people complain I don't put enough pictures up, and I don't put stuff in a very literal meaning, but I HAVE GOT A FREAKING STALKER who originates from INDIA with an email add of : modelboss@gmail.com

seriously, modelboss? can you GET anymore orginal?

Somehow when I type this, I am actually scared that he might hunt me down and actually kill me. (or do something worse, i'll get there later.)

pepper spray - CHECK!

cisco portable alarm - CHECK!

fucking high heels - CHECK!

looking smokin' hot - CHECK!

kicking your ass - CHECK CHECK CHECK! (:

On another note:

I actually was pretty messed up this few weeks.

Drama-rama enough? or is the attraction of complication just so irresistible?

Finally it feels like a big stone put down. No idea how, definitely no idea why.

Having a taste of the forbidden fruit, and taking it away. not cool.

forbidden fruit tastes so awesome.

might i just add: not homosexual, not bisexual and definitely not double heterosexual.

just taste of freedom makes my smile go one way up. (:

ah. place to be when you're feeling the blues:

dreamland makes u have nightmares.

I had this freaky nightmare that I accidentally had some of phenyl oxalate & fluorescent dye solution mixed with hydrogen peroxide in my mouth. (it's the light-stick fluid, i'm being an ass)

so I immediately spit it out and when I looked into the mirror i had an ABSOLUTE SHOCK.

my teeth were all MESSED UP. and like not funny messed up like really freaky MESSED UP! -.-

on the serious note: do what you like when you have the blues, dance, sing, listen to music, walk. whatever it takes. (:

ahh. back to the rape topic I guess.

Recently there was that news article about the trial of the 5 who allegedly raped the girl. I mean what sick asses can plan rapes. SERIOUSLY, might as well just kill the girl.

living with the humiliation makes life so much harder.

JACKASSES!

anyway! that's my -secretive, drama filled life- so far. how's yours? (:

the many sides to me.

2009-11-17T16:28:00.002+08:00

Sarah, I really miss you. I need someone to talk to about the so many things that are floating in my head.

There's so many parts of me. Many types of thinking. many types of behaviour.

Do I need a judgement? I need to get this right.

Bitchy, party, fun.

Academic, career, marriage.

hard choice to make between the two.

I don't know why, I'm stuck in a moral dilemma.

this song makes me want to blow my brains out. not in the bad way.

Vegas Skies - The Cab

It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention
It's like the alcohol making my head spin
Your scent is the rum. the room is a bottle
Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow

And if tonight ever makes a difference
The way that I feel the way that I'll remember it
I'll take this down until the glass remains
Swallow the words that I was meant to say

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight, so

Say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

All of these guards they stand tall and defensive
Putting up walls around what was once innocent
It won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that
'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back

Girl, last night I forgot to mention
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this
When we're this young, we have nothing to lose
We just the clock to beat and a hand to choose

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So I don't, I make one more wrong turn tonight, so

Say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

It's a long way down
Just fall into place and you'll fall into me
We'll make it out you'll see

So, say goodnight, our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together

And say goodnight, our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

much. fuck.

2009-11-09T23:31:00.002+08:00

Hi people,

Just to let you know I'm fucking pissed again.

Somehow my Blog is full of FUCKING MAD STUFF. I swear I get over it easily but I just need to FUCK IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

Well, my life so far, as agreed, has been a helluva coaster ride.

But I still have not fucking idea why I'm still going through this.

WILL IT EVER FUCKING END.

Even I don't believe in 2012 but I WANT IT TO FUCKING END. I'm sick of drama.

Well with that in mind, on sunday I had a great day in the sun (i'm burnt, yet again) with my ASSHOLE. (:

LOL.

today: I woke up at 6.30am. went to school around 8.15am. bringing formal wear, shoes, laptop, did spsu paper work, went to finance block to collect a cheque that is NOT FUCKING READY ( they said it will be okay!).

9am class. lecture okay..

10am lecture. alien's comprehension lecturer and projector BROKE DOWN.

10.40. left for FOOD IMPLOSION. Stuff myself with water-like food, fucking bloated. started feeling sick.

Fever, cough, BLOATED.

RWPS. gets worse.

FACC. very effing confused.

EOGM in formal wear. fucking tired felt like fainting. ):

home. & now I'm all alone looking for FYP group. hopefully IAP still. but. highly doubt it now.

WWW

2009-11-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

I had a great day at wildwildwet (: HAHA

Pictures. FINALLY

2009-11-06T23:30:00.008+08:00

Ah. people who were waiting. (I highly doubt it)

I FINALLY BOUGHT A GUESS BAG. 2 actually.

I'm so lucky to get entitled to the fall'09 20% discount.

I'm immeasurably happy. (:

2009-11-06T21:32:00.001+08:00

LOLOL~

FUNNY LIKE MAD. serious.

3 - Britney Spears
1, 2, 3 Not only you and me
Got one eighty degrees
And I'm caught in between
Countin' 1, 2, 3
Peter, Paul & Mary
Gettin' down with 3P
Everybody loves ***....

AHHHHH~ (: kinky much

tumblr & twitter.

2009-11-04T20:55:00.002+08:00

AH. new technology.

trying very hard to keep up..

my tumblr.

my twitter.

halloween NOT.

2009-11-01T16:00:00.002+08:00

I have actually wondered for a long time why Halloween always came across as such a out of place 'celebration' in Singapore.

I think I finally got my answer.

Singaporeans just use Halloween as an excuse to party, some of the girls, (sometimes guys) to dress like total whores & behave like they are innocent halo-ed shit. (:

I just think it's hypocritical to celebrate that when we don't even practise Trick or Treat.
Basic tradition of Halloween, ain't it? (:

It goes the same for lots of stuff.
Just trying to imitate 'wild' western cultures without understanding most of it, being all uptight about the most stupid details.

ah. the make of Singaporeans.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all Singaporeans. (:

i swear.

2009-10-26T19:17:00.004+08:00

I really swear that I wanted to post a picture post, but ALAS!

reason 1: I haven't took any pictures recently.

reason 2: I'm too lazy to be vain or try to look photogenic. (God knows I am NOT photogenic)

On that note, I somehow am UNABLE to take a good picture. This literally sucks. Is it because my lack of vanity or just I really do look bad in pictures?

Ah, what a wonderful topic for haters out there(:

reason 3: (probably the true-est one) I'm just too plain lazy..

But that aside, I was early for school today!! WOOHOO.

I promised myself I'll be on time this week. ~~(I feel so truant. :x)~~

Ah. & the essence of annoying-ness comes back in various forms, haunts me till I really want to smash something against the wall. Maybe ~~not~~ my head. (:

quoted from my ASSHOLE of a friend(: , "Sarah. It's either you're plain fucking unlucky, OR you love to be around when shit happens. -.- Either way, you're still one unlucky shit"

Except for a few OBVIOUS english errors, that's what he said to me.

Ah. I guess the answer could be in both ways.

Either way, shit still happens.. (: Ah shit & more shit.

I think I am actually getting use to it.

My dear PLTNCBSTST, (you know who you are), please take care of yourself & stop making me worry. (: ILY!

& my dearest boy, I miss you. (:

warning.

2009-10-25T02:08:00.002+08:00

I've just posted a very very ______ post. (I leave it to your discretion to describe it)

But please, I'm generally not like this. I actually am a VERY nice person.

Like mentioned, IT is just a mini tirade.

sighs. Breathe IN Breathe OUT. now jump into the cold pool.

.

2009-10-25T02:05:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry to say this.

But, I AM FUCKING SICK OF THIS.

what the fuck the the problem with all that bullshit.

I need to wake up on time & stop skipping lessons next week.

I need to stay the fuck out of everything.

stupid PLTNCBSTST & SEE. MAKE me so vulgar. RAWR.

they released my entire sem's worth of tirade in like one fucking night.

&& some are just adding fuel to the fucking fire.

AARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

what is with me.

screw you for judging me. fuck off.

eve(:

2009-10-22T15:04:00.002+08:00

Today is the eve of my 18th. But somehow I don't really feel it.

Maybe its because I already celebrated. (:

On that note, I really want to THANK EVERYONE! (:

Ah. I feel too tired & drained to go clubbing. ):

Maybe I'll go down to just see how it is like in Singapore.

I suddenly feel like a prissy old twit.

bite me.

i'm tired.

2009-10-13T19:42:00.004+08:00

I really really am sick, to death with all the nonsense.

I can't take it any longer with all this crap.

I don't know why, I just want to have a nice celebration.

I just can't stay here any longer. Please help me.

side note:

I think this is the serious reason why Singaporeans NEVER comes up with good renditions of international shows, (e.g. country IDOL)

I was just watching the Channel 8's Chinese rendition of "Don't Forget the Lyrics".

The producers are just stinkin' sore losers who don't want people to win.

LOUSY FACT 1: they don't have pre-warnings when the blanks are about to come up.

LOUSY FACT 2: they have like 8 - 18 words long BLANKs that doesn't belong in the same verse in the song. -.-

LOUSY FACT 3: even if you have all 3 help lines intact on your last stage ($500k), you can't use them.

LOUSY FACT 4: when you finish the $200k stage just before the $500k, they ask you if you want to carry on, if you do, they will just play the song & you have to sing till the BLANKS PART, & if you fail to get it right, you only get $10k. that's $190k GONE.

Seriously, if you're on a tight budget then just DON'T FREAKING PRODUCE THE SHOW AT ALL.

rawr.

goodnights.

2009-10-11T01:31:00.002+08:00

I have this sudden feeling, that I'm at such a wonderful place, experienced almost everything I can possibly imagine & even more so than most people my age or even older.

I'm at a great place with great awesome friends, wonderful boy, adequate results, & most importantly, contentment.

I'm just so sorry for people who are caught up in their world to see out of the well, to see how much others are living better lives.

Well, let's just say, I'm good with words & you can't touch me. (:

(:

2009-10-10T00:11:00.001+08:00

I'm going to be a prat. (:

SEE HOW AWESOME I AM! (:

M.A.D Camp

2009-10-05T16:48:00.003+08:00

Albeit not as fun as LTC, but I had my share of laughter.

My knee was killing me. x:

anyway I think the largest part of the camp I remembered was when I was bullied.

Not my best memory, but quite funny if I wasn't the butt of jokes. ah well, Sarah's awesome & she thinks it really hilarious.

this picture was our group facilitators:

NOTE: Gary was pushing my head forward. I look creepy. -.-

SO after that photo, I went over to B3 & Tummy to talk about something, suddenly all of them were standing at the same area calling me over to take another picture, (photographer: ZHENXUAN!) so I stood beside the fook kee & caspia.

Zhen Xuan says: 1, 2, *I saw that they ran away & realized what happened. But decided to SMILE still.*

This is my epic memory & picture for M.A.D Camp 09.

See how much of an asshole Zhen Xuan is? HE IS THE MASTERMIND!

jealous.

2009-10-04T23:10:00.002+08:00

I am afraid to offend people so I'll just say this:

I'm just so tired to being a spoon feeder.

I finally got my throw-over from BC. (: i paid on 17 Aug & I received it on 3 Oct. (: ROCK ON!.

I am insanely envious of tightly knitted families. (:

Just makes me more & more ___________ (:

I am actually thinking about tons of stuff.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival!

albeit late, but better than never. (:

LTC 09

2009-10-02T00:12:00.002+08:00

I can safely say this: I HAD THE BEST CAMP EVER!

I had a nervous & great expectation for this camp. & IT made me feel even much better.

learnt new stuff & made friends that i miss after like 2 hours away from them. ):

I REALLY MISS YOU ALL! (:

just an update: please tell me that you are coming/not coming to my birthday party k! (:

tired thoughts.

2009-09-23T18:02:00.004+08:00

wow. Just realized in a month, thats 30 days, I WILL BE 18!

oh my gosh. SCARY!

albeit everyone THINKS I am freaking old.

ah well I kinda am excited & nervous? LOL

Really sorry to say this but it was such a pity when I first heard about it.

somehow makes me treasure what I have now.

stay strong my dear! I LOVE YOU!

JLYS I talking about u!

came back from SB M.A.D camp & LTC prep.

RAWR! I BOUGHT BOOTIES FOR LIKE ONE CAMP?!

$%^&*( ah screw it.

life's short. bite me.

results: ahh. not as bad as I thought, but not good. ):

update: I know I frustrate you. & I HATE MYSELF for frustrating u which makes me feel crappy & u feeling that makes me hate myself even more. I HATE MYSELF. I suck. REALLY SUCK. urgh.

(:

2009-09-21T18:41:00.002+08:00

HEYO!

Okay I promise I'll make more effort to blog nicely with pictures now that I am slightly more free (:

I am sitting at my boy's place waiting for HIM TO come back from soccer.

rawr.

ahwells.

I am pretty happy. RECEIVED MY FIRST BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM MY UNCLE!! (:
he could not make it for my party. ):

woohoo. can't wait for party. (:

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-18T23:45:00.004+08:00

sorry for any vulgarities BUT THEY ARE SO WORTH IT.

I went to watch The Ugly Truth thinking it's probably some stupid rom-com & probably will have like 2 mins worth of laughter.

BUT I AM SO WRONG..

IT IS THE BEST EFFING SHIT EVER.

but it doesn't beat what the women in front of us said.

A lil spoiler: in the show there's a metaphor describing sex as hydrating a woman's forest.

So this couple of ladies (I am being respectful), one who looks average Jane with average Jane's figure. Other one on the other hand looks like (no offence, really) she had eaten 4 average Janes.

So Jane says: how long have you not chiong already ah?

4 Janes replies something that we couldn't hear.

Jane says: how long has it been since you last ...? (we couldn't catch the following words, but she was looking around sneakily after her question. )

4 Janes replies: I AM DEHYDRATED.

I HAD TO PUT A FIST IN MY MOUTH TO STOP LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

oh my god. I couldn't stop laughing my way back.

that aside, freaking awesome show that I will watch again. ANYONE?!

post note: I hate to say this, but I really can't stand stupid bitches who acts like princesses & think the world revolves around her.

she acts as if the whole world will die & burn if she disappears.

JUST

HELL.

stupid videos.

2009-09-18T01:28:00.006+08:00

I really have no idea why.

I suddenly have so many regrets.

Big ONE: I am NOT dancing. ANYTHING. not even what I love most. -.-

instead I am doing mundane things.

2: ahh. forget it. I have an aversion to private things splashed all over the internet. still not sure why I have a blog.

oh wait. its for my musings. I DONT NEED YOU TO CARE. (:

well so far, I'm waiting for my results. My holidays' been great?

Had an awesome GYL camp, made cool friends.

Got really burnt. anyone ordered a medium rare human steak?? (:

DD's Birthday!

Just surprised my dear. (: this time worked! woohoo. he was surprised to see me. but quite screwed. here's why.

Initial plan with Mr Billy was after their class at 10pm with a bunch of his mates to surprise him in his school.

Class ends at 10pm so I asked BF if it will possibly end early, he said should not be. so I planned to collect the cake at 9pm & head down.

BUT.. Somehow my plans always turn its back on me.

I received Mr BILLY's sms at 8.30pm "EH! finish liao. how ah?"

I was still at home getting ready. SO I replied: "HUH. So fast??? WTF. HOW I haven't collect the cake. "

den he reply: "HOW?"

den i say: "YOU STALL TIME! I COLLECT CAKE YOU TELL THE REST!"

den we agreed on where & everything.

FUNNY part: I was alr in the train station on the way to somewhere on NEL.

Mark called me: "eh billy say you need a lift ah?"

so i went "you want to come down & pick me up & drive back?? you sure??"

den he was like, "hmm okay. you come by MRT lor. I stall time"

LOL.

not long after, Fabian called,

"EH SARAH! how? you need me to pick you up??"

I said the exact same thing. den he say, OKAY SLOWLY make your way to outram. I call you back.

Reached outram, celeste calls me.

SO they are picking me up at outram MRT bus stop.

while waiting, my dear BF called me. I had to pick up. JUST NICE A BUS CAME. -.-

So I told him I watching tv with my mum. den he ask me WHY SO NOISY??

den the background I heard MR BILLY SAID, "HELLO SARAH!" -.-

BF ask me what show I watching, I went " ERM. (i didn't even know what show was on.) THE CHANNEL 8 9pm show!"

den i quickly hang up alr.

later the way the guys were talking before BF came was like preparing for president's birthday.

Ask me go hide under table. -.-

But BF was surprised to see me! (: woohoo.

the rest also torture BF. & he kinda sensed that they like going to celebrate for him.

they say don't let my BF eat first. HE HASN'T EAT DINNER and it was 10 pm already.

=.=

haha. all in all, awesome time with gorgeous girlfriend. (:

LOL.

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

DEAR! (:

2009-09-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

stupid blogger is crazy. I can't upload any pictures.

BUT~ just a short update:

So far my holiday, AWESOME!

totally didn't regret going GYL this year. clique was telling me not to go & save up instead.

BUTBUT lol I chose to go & turned out awesome!! (:

i am a lobster. anyone ordered one?

BURNT.

&& I AM SO HAPPY. don't know why.

boyfriend birthday this thursday! (:

I STILL CAN'T FREAKING DECIDE MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. rawr

L.O.L

2009-09-05T23:49:00.001+08:00

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

lol. very very very ancient history, but still funny.

fuck life.

2009-09-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

seriously, please tell me HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STUDY WITH THEM SCREAMING @ EACH OTHER

THEY JUST DON'T GET THAT IT IS FUCKING DIFFICULT TO CONCENTRATE.

SERIOUSLY D, IM GOING TO YOUR PLACE NEXT TIME I NEED TO FUCKING STUDY.

THEY WANT THIS THEY WANT THAT.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

FUCK YOU.

I apologize in advance for the serious gross display of vulgarities.
BUT I AM NOT SORRY for using it.

musings

2009-08-30T21:39:00.002+08:00

I was on a cab last night flagged from hougang area at around 11pm.

So after 3 minutes or so, the cab's screen thingy beeped.

Well, I am a very very curious person. Was wondering who was booking a cab or something.

So I read like part of it & saw 'shoulder length hair' and thought of a lady.

But I remember, the cab booking service doesn't describe the person! It doesn't make any sense to do so anyway.

So I read another bit 'chinese middle age male' so I thought, WHAT? Yuck.

So I decided to read the whole thing.

apparently there was a robbery @ hougang/sengkang area. So i was surprised. I read on, it described the guy with checked shirt, black haversack blahblah.

BEST BIT. It happened ard 8 to 9pm. Said the guy may possibly take a cab & be on alert from 9pm to 12mn. =.=

Seriously, if i were the robber I WONT STAY AROUND FOR SO LONG RIGHT. & I PROBABLY WILL CHANGE MY APPEARANCE. =.=

Another story.. Quite heart wrenching. I was at jurong area this morning ard 12pm. Raining quite heavily, so the glass panes(JP) are all fogged with condensation. From afar, i saw this lil girl 'writing? On the glass panes. I thot she's just being playful. I saw no adults watching her. the glass panes belonged to UOB bank, so i assumed her parents were inside.

I walked past her & i read what she wrote:

'i feel bad
Because no one cares about me
....'

she was writing the next line, but i was in a rush. Heart wrenching..

2009-08-30T00:50:00.002+08:00

I was lying down, & I thought to myself, my body's all screwed up, I look hideous. How I wish I can press a restart button. Like when the laptop slows WAY down, or when the TV is sounding weird.

Is there a restart button I can press? (:

2 a.m and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In u'r arms as d dawn is breaking
Face 2 face & a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
Theres hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give our dreams just 1 more chance
Don't let this be our last goodbye

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do

NICE SONG. (: ONLY LOVE by Trademark

musings. again.

2009-08-23T22:10:00.002+08:00

This is a lil hilarious.

I was taking a bus to orchard at 10am. Why? I won't say.

But the crowd's kinda different from normal timings.

Old people, weird people, & even more weird people who stares & seem to think I'm pretty crazy for not wanting to take a seat.

Being the only person who's standing, I can see 2 ends of the bus.

2 ladies at their 50s- 60s boarded.

There was this blind guy holding up his walking stick at the front of the bus.

(is tt wat u call that stick??) bear in mind its matte silver.

So one of the ladies walked in, with hope of finding a seat, holding on to one of the metal poles, she reached out to grab the blind guy's stick thinking its the next pole.

She looked really terrified, but I don't think the blind guy noticed.

(I think he was sleeping.) still, the old lady looked horrified. (:

haha. Funny eh?

Racist- Not?

2009-08-10T23:45:00.007+08:00

On a level, everyone is racist.

But I just experienced something today that made me chuckle in a guilty way or just it's simple irony.

I'm on a train on NEL & I was sitting on the seat next to the 'reserved seating'.

*p.s. its the one with the PICTURE of 4 stick figures i.e. for PEOPLE in NEED!*

An indian family came in.

Once the guy on the Reserve Seating beside me stood up, the little boy rushed to that seat.
Soon after, Reserve Seating opposite from the lil boy was vacated.

The father sat down, with the wife standing.

(like, what a gentleman)

After awhile, the husband stood up & let his wife sit.

(oh. finally. what were you? warming up the seat?)

so the kid being a kid, he was fidgety & was staring at that reserving seating pic above his mum's seat.

The kid shouted "ma ur not supposed to seat there! Look up! "
Den the mum rebutted, "so are u, u lookup too! "

(hello. you're the adult??)

Then the kid relentlessly said "look up look up! "
The father walked over and said sternly "sh! Ur not a baby also right? So why are you sitting?"

den the kid kept quiet.

(oh right way to go.)

Less than a minute later, the kid got up and walked to his mum and intended to jump on to her lap but was caught midair by his father and the kid said

"i want to sit on mums lap! Den we both can sit! "

because that'll be a kid sitting on a woman (like in the picture)

The father was like, "no u get back there!!"

So they shouted for a min & the father realized people was watching & gave up.

Funny eh. How minds work. (:

i miss you. (:

dead-ness

2009-08-08T01:27:00.002+08:00

I just settled down from coming back from school. Most awesome-shitful day ever.

I don't know why but I take damn long to settle down when I get home.

Settle down i.e. settle the to-do(s) of the day, clean up, pack the bags, check my email for impt stuff.

you get the gist.

My period of absence from no-readers blogging is explained by crazy deadlines & things to do.

Somehow sometimes people make me sound damn free.

& I DON'T LIKE CONDESCENDING TONES! -.-

DAMN IT. who does?

LOL. besides that, I finally have the urge to blog. (:

Well, my 17th month anniversary just passed BUT!! I don't know why I feel particularly happy about this one. Maybe its one of those times where you suddenly realize you're at a happy place compared to others.

I mean seriously its either in human's nature or SINGAPOREAN'S nature to compare. bite me.

BUT my D like so annoying. I send so sweet sms he also make fun of me. ):

D, if you're reading this, I'm joking. (but be sweeter. hehe)

ANYWAY. back to my AWESOME - SHITFUL DAY!

Well even though we spent the day arguing like mad people, we had awesome fun we didn't have for awhile cos of mundane shitass accountancy monotony. RAWRRRR!

BUT SERIOUSLY AWESOME! lol.

It's like we are fighting & laughing!! Sudden urge of mushy-ness!

LOL. DEBBIE/JASMINE/EKJUN/STANLEY I LOVE YOU!

omgod. after typing that everything disappeared. HAHA.

But seriously today was awesome fun. Even though we can pronounce like 90% of our brain dead.

okay. I miss whoever you are now!! SUPER GOOD MOOD!!

lalala

2009-07-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

I was reminded:

When you are young, everything seems like the end of the world.

I think it's how we perceive the world. It's more of like, everything we do matters more than anything else we would be doing in the future where you start boring talks of office-marriage-divorce-gym.

More often rather than not, we would do things when we are younger that has a bigger impact in your life.

Simple example:

ONS when you are 16- people will go, "oh no. yadah yadah"

ONS when you are 26- people will go, "how was he/she?"

ONS when you are 36- people will go, "ehh. okay. how fast?"

ONS when you are 46- COUNT YOURSELF lucky OR you're very hot.

When someone breaks up with you, it feels like "my world is crashing down" ONLY when you're 16.

Other than that, we'll just go, it's not meant to be, the next one will be better.

I am excited at my time. But will the passion for things remain the same?

times.

2009-07-21T01:36:00.003+08:00

I was watching something recently. repeated, mind you.

Just realized this, or maybe just from the movie.

Things Happen for a reason.

What every kid knows and every adult forgets, your fun is only limited by your imagination.

Realized what little fun I've had. I feel old. Even though I'm younger than lots of my friends, I feel old. Even to them, they have this subconscious mindset I'm super old. -.-

well with one thing or another, I am forced to believe something I never thought will happen to me.

I am Broke.

not just like whiny-grumpy-broke. like. real deal broke.

Options of my future seems limited to that few.

Still can't understand why things happen? to make me grow up to stop my fun? well I can't say I've much fun.

It's actually quite sad. My friends & D made me realize my humour is like god-like. & not in the good sense. I laugh at the lamest jokes ever. -.- seriously.

I'm like an idiot proof to jokes, if you can't even make me laugh, you can't make anyone laugh. LOL.

ah. I need to find ways to get money, not like for fancy nancy stuff.

I finally feel the pains of a grown up?

Having so much on your shoulders is already tiring. I don't need this.

can someone just like MIRACULOUSLY find that I've something SOOOOO great that I'll earn enough to have a simple life thereafter?

rawr.

p.s. something funny from Noelle's Blog.

This is why women shouldnt take men shopping..

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and perferred to get in and out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WalMart.

Dear Mrs. Sams,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr.Sams are listed below and are documented by out video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boces of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they werent looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato joice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite hem in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why cant you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants and large knives were.

11. Octorber 3: Darted around the store suspiciouslt while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICE AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudy, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,
Tom Richards
Walmart Manager -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"

:D

2009-07-19T00:16:00.001+08:00

Beau Donna

Check this out! =)

2009-07-16T00:53:00.003+08:00

你的会话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉之
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续场着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面离选择
你冷了卷了我哭了
一开始都不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心兴不开心一一细收着你再不拾
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得
你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

I don't know why, but yesterday put a huge strain on my emotional limit.

For the first time, I really wanted to screw up my future and just lay on the bed till I die.

I couldn't find a reason to get off my bed to face cruel reality.

So I slept & slept.

Somehow I woke up feeling terrible, not physically but emotionally wrecked.

After the decade, I think I am finally reaching a place where my limit is being pushed so hard its scary.

Still having responsibilities, I ate & went to catch up with life.

Somehow I dread coming to this house that I practically can't see a reason to even want to be here.

I heard this song and my tears somehow flowed out.. Don't know how. Don't know why.

As much as I hate it, it's in my mind the whole day, even till now.

I am really sick of life.

Why do I have to endure all this?

I still haven't come to terms with that fact. I still can't accept it. You'll think that after all these years I would have actually not care.

D, I know you're worried & all, but I just need to cry sometimes. Thanks for trying your best to cheer me up. It did put a smile on..

2009-07-14T23:35:00.002+08:00

baby's asleep. and I need to let some things out.

I am so sick of this place, can I get out of here any FASTER?

fuck this house. fuck this place. seriously.

I have had enough.

emo time. YET AGAIN.

2009-07-12T23:46:00.004+08:00

It's my emo time. -.-

Stupid YANN. EMO spread until me..

today was spent lazing around with D & YANN. stupid lonely guy.

I wanna buy that GARNIER eye roller thingy. my eye bags are getting very ugly. ( I am not even kidding, I was sitting on the toilet bowl & turned to my right, & MY EYE BAGS WERE LIKE. indescribable)

Also the whitening DEO!

Sorry if I want perfect armpits. LOL. the advert is SCREAMING at me.

ITS LIKE 100% PERFECT armpits.

I mean, come on. WHO wants hairy black-y armpits. so gross. lol.

&& I cut & coloured my hair out of impulse.

HONESTLY! & Now that it looks SHIT, I have myself to blame.

I honestly don't know what hairstyle suits me best. tried BANGS, tried SHORT spunky, tried bob, tried long layered natural?

RAWR. I hate me. I need a boob job, a skin treatment for my pimples & HUGE pores, perfect set of teeth, 36-24-36 figure.

AH why am I so PLASTIC-Y now? I even have URGES to shop.

WHAT iN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?!

p.s. I never liked to shop unless it's an ABSOLUTE necessity.

side note: from FB.

This based on below calculation:

Birth Date: 23-10-1991

2+3+1+0+1+9+9+1=26=2+6=8

Below are the analysis of life path number 8:

The Life Path 8 suggests that you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and govern. You are very ambitious and goal-oriented. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you were born to be an executive.

You know how to manage yourself and your environment. Your ability to judge the character and potential of the people around you is an asset used to your advantage. A large part of your success in life comes from how hard you work. This Life Path is the most prone to producing workaholics. But your ability to spot good people and engage them in your endeavors is a special trait not to be overlooked. There is an inspirational quality in your makeup which allows you to become a great leader. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.

light.:)

2009-07-09T00:48:00.001+08:00

HELLO..

I'm actually in a good mood now. Despite events that unravelled itself.

Finally letting down a huge burden. I don't think I have felt so light before.

Granted that not EVERYTHING has been put down.

BUT, still, I am happy.

Rejoice people. =)

2 Years.

2009-07-07T19:57:00.003+08:00

I can't believe it. But, first of all, (it's freaky. D just called) Happy 16th. =)

It's gonna be a LONG post. :)

Today's 07 July 2009, 070709.

It's been 2 years since 070707.

Maybe the only way it's significant for you it's 'cause it 777.

But for me, that day spelt change.

I just reached Singapore for less than 24 hours when the clock struck 12 that night.

I came back from Brunei after my GCSEs (equivalent to O levels but international standard).

I had been waiting to come back to see my then-bf, xxx, after a 4-month relationship, prior to a 4 month long distance r/s with him.

All that while, I had my suspicions, had my doubts, had my ups & downs and my life over there. Never did I think I was in for a big roller coster ride.

I met him on 070707, and talked, after such a long time. I found a few things that were funny, he had a ring (which I had never seen before), he suddenly blogs (called sweet-candy-heart or something like that) he never BLOGS 'cause he said it was stupid and what not.

HE later said that it was something to surprise me. So I stupidly was happy.

So later when I was fiddling with his phone, I decided to do something stupid, check his inbox. WHICH thankfully I did or I probably will still buy more of his lies.

I found various SMSes from a name: "Darling" (or some other puppy name) come on, its 2 years ago. I don't remember that.

So I thought it's mine, I opened one & realized, EH. I didn't say that. OR did I? I was delusional. HELLO. ALL THOSE LIES? duh.

so I refused to believe my eyes, I kept scrolling down the SMSes and realized this ISN'T ME! & My SMSes were under "SARAH".

So I asked him, meanwhile all these excuses for him is forming in my mind:

"Maybe his friend needed to use his phone 'cause his friend's dropped into the toilet, or got CONFISCATED"

my comment now: girl you are so dumb. you have no cure. honestly. TOILET & CONFISCATED?! -.-

He was finally honest 'cause I bet he can't wiggle his way out. (I think if he tried I would have actually BELIEVE.) stupidity. PLAIN stupidity.

I kept crying. because I couldn't believe that after so long and so much efforts I was cheated by him.

Details are slipping out of my mind. honestly, on a side note, my memory really does suck, I purchase Clothes online, I can remember which blogshop, which sales item no., how much i paid (to the cent) and when I paid. BUT I CAN'T remember the clothing. -.- HOW RETARDED.

OKAY. Back to story. =)

So later that day I heard from my dad (meanwhile I'm living with my grandma 'cos mom, dad, & brother are still in brunei & house is still rented out), that my mom fell quite sick.

I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know who to turn to. People I thought of, Sarah & all are all back in Brunei. (& my grandma doesn't have internet. but why would she have it -.-)

I was quite desperate to get into polytechnics or JCs in SG cos I wanted to continue my studies here. & All of them just replied me with a lukewarm answer with no confirmation.

And I was stupid enough to come back to SG. My MAIN reason of coming back to SG to study was because of that ASSHOLE. If not, I'll have finished my A levels by now, had my sixth form PROM, and will be enrolling in NTU/NUS/SMU by this academic year.

I'm not saying I'm not grateful that I'm where I am now. But I could have been faster than ALL my friends at my age. REALLY.

There I was, with no one to turn to, cheated on, family's in trouble, future's at stake, I believe it's enough to throw anyone into depression.

And so I did. For a few months. During this time, I was not allowed to work 'cos I hadn't turn 16 yet. So I went back to my old secondary school with all those bitches TRYING to make my life difficult. Ignoring them, I was basically not paying attention in class.

With all that insane thinking, & had done it all before, who would even listen in class?

So during that few months, I honestly have no recollection of it. Is it called selective amnesia? But I do remember being friends with Amanda & Song Yong.

Granted that I made mistakes more often than not during that period but cut me slack won't you.

What made me hold on to life, was my grandma. I really love her so much.

With all that, I pushed myself to the limit with everything.

Finally falling sick in December.

I couldn't get off the bed, not 'cause I was bed ridden, but I was too sick to get off my damn bed.

But I was wide awake.

One thing led to another. I am where I am now.

Stronger than ever. 2 Years later from a day that changed my life & perspective of life, I'm happy. granted I am not in paradise or happily ever after, but I'm definitely more resilient.

profound.

2009-07-06T01:21:00.004+08:00

I am sitting here at this hour staring at my laptop with a profound sense of awareness.

sense of sadness, sense of understanding, sense of under accomplishment, sense of utter failing.

I am at a place where people would want to be, to be young, to be stupid, to fall madly in love, to be crazy with friends, to be pursuing what I love.

Why do I need these? Why do I need the grades, the awards, the recognition?

What are all these for?

What am I doing all these for?

Seeing a perfect model who has everything I don't makes me want to throw everything up in the air and just lie down.

give me a reason. just give me a reason to stay like this. the way everyone expects it to be...

tell me why I've to be all grown up.

What have I done that I am proud of?

BLAH-ed.

2009-07-05T16:03:00.002+08:00

I woke up today, granted that it's not in the morning anymore, but I woke up with a sunshine attitude. Thought you know, for a change I'm gonna do something.

Waiting is a tiring process. I'm not even kidding.

Yesterday made a wrong choice, went down to Marina & they were having the rehearsal parade. SO frigging crowded.

Ice Age 3 is good. =)

I'm sick of trying so damn hard.

-.-

2009-07-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

It's really tiring to blog with pictures. I'm serious. I can NEVER EVER sit down & do that for so long..

I tried doing like picture blogging a few months ago.. BUT I CAN TELL YOU, it's a tremendous painful job.

I have newfound respect for xiaxue. btw her recent article totally hilarious.

say what you want, but the girl's got style.

I've been reading some other blogs recently but it's pretty stupid when some people act as though the whole world DO care what they wear, how they look, what they do everyday, and how much attention the opposite sex do give.

It's like trying to show that how attractive people think they are, how they want people to think they are, like maturity, pretty-ness, cute-ness, sexi-ness...

the list is never ending..

But really, who takes these people seriously?

I, for one, don't.

blahblahblahblah. for once i think i'll receive hate mail. not that i've not received any before.

but who gives a f whether these haters love me?

maybe I should go to a corner and cry.

bitch level: high.

I'm sorry it's just one too many times when I come across such blogs.

YES YES I know you're gonna say: YOU GO READ THE BLOG WHAT. NOT THEIR FAULT.

well, screw you. lol. i'm bored & i'm commenting. DEAL WITH IT.

you have opinions, SO DO I.

Ah one a different note, exams are over, so yes..

OH. & I went out today to EAT with someone who hates FRUITS.

can you imagine? FRUITS. ALL FRUITS.

I'm not even kidding. it includes mango banana strawberry ETC.

So we went to eat desserts, I ate MANGO SAGO & he ate ALMOND PASTE.

When mine came, he pushed his almond paste AWAY from my mango sago. -.-

he said IF ONE DROP EVER TOUCHES MINE, I'm not eating it.

oo~ it was SOOOOO tempting. HAHAHA.

well that brings us to the topic of wedding, i don't know how but yes.

he said he wants to be married & have kids before 30.

-.-

crazy man. let's see who'll marry him.

&& I BET I'LL HAVE A CAR before HE does. =P

but he said I don't even have a license.

WELL THATS because. I HAVE to wait till 18.

I SWEAR IT'S ANNOYING.

everyone is TURNING or IS 18.

RAWR. nvm.. i'm still young. =D it takes me a half year to be like you all BUT YOU CAN NEVER BE ME..

muahahahaha.

ah. screw it. i'm sleeping..

sian.

2009-07-01T16:29:00.000+08:00

Biz Law down- was quite hard. I SCREWED UP legislation.

Seriously why do we even need laws? just kill someone when he "breaches" your damn contract la.

FF- well, well, well, the NAME SAYS IT ALL. f-ed. stayed up till 6 to study.. wasnt THAT bad. But I don't think my future can depend on it.

F.ACCT- OmGOD. I AM SO FREAKING PISSED. 10 marks is flying away, & I got feeling there's more.

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO STUPID. ._.

pls dont rub it in or i'll kill you. RAWR~

screwed.

2009-06-29T19:43:00.002+08:00

HELLO.

I am here to announce that my life is quite UPSIDE DOWN. & I am not kidding..

I sleep at 5am, wake up at 1pm, eat at 2pm, 8pm, 2am.

Starts studying for exam at 3am till 5+am, paper at 1pm the next day.

& I like to eat fishballs for snacks, I drink chocolate milkshake DESPITE my allergy, 'cos I am so hungry I can eat my laptop.

So yes. VOTE NOW FOR sarah's screwed up life.

p.s. I am hanging myself 'cos tmr's paper is 6 chapters, and haven't even start. =)

good luck people.

movies~

2009-06-27T00:24:00.003+08:00

hello!!

Alright. I admit. I have not been studying. It's so annoying when you get distracted!

&& Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen totally turns me on like damn~

Twice && anyone going to invite me for a third?

Well there's a saying i liked a lot in Ghost of Girlfriend's Past, (ironically D wanted to watch it more than me)

Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less...

ahh. it sucks to care more. but what the hell.

p.s. something interesting from FB.

Who is your lifetime match?

They are born between September 24th - October 23rd

People better watch out! A true enchantress, you have several tricks up your sleeve to cast them under your spell. You're a regular player in the seduction game. Passionate and spirited, you fall in love in no time but you tire of it quickly. You need time to find the love of your life but when Cupid's arrow hits you straight in the heart, you give your body and soul to some other the lucky soul. You only have eyes for them and do anything to make them happy... in the beginning at least! You're not the kind of person who likes to receive orders and you make a point of demanding your independence. Overall, your love life doesn't stick to any kind of routine and your partners sometimes struggle to understand you. When you team up with these you will make a most delicious duo, with the laid-back, luscious them completely contrary to the rough and tumble you. This twosome are so terrific for each other they're bliss to behold. Assertive you will teach your lover to stand up for themselves more and not act like doormats, so no one can stomp all over them. Togetherness can be terrific, everyone's unique in some way or other. Here there is often a strong physical or emotional attraction between you both.

haha.. quite true~~

D missed it by a bit.. =X

2009-06-16T14:26:00.002+08:00

heyhey! I know it's pretty wordy, but take some time to read through this, it's meaningful.

Thinking Outside The Box. . .

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus, you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind, and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, was one quarter, two dimes and five pennies.
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson The Obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away". Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly..

"Work like you don't need the money, sing like no one is listening, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that takes our breath away"

"The risk takers might not live long, but the cautious never live at
all"

time?

2009-06-10T15:27:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to blog about this. But I'll just put all my feelings down..

R has done it again, taking $XX,XXX without T knowing. I hate this. I really wanna kill R & just get it over & done with. T has been tolerating, trying to make things work, trying to save the GOD DAMN MARRIAGE.

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?! SCREAM AT T?! Please, just spare us all the agony, get the fuck out of our lives & die.

Asshole.

Dad, I wanna tell you this so much, I've lost all my respect for you ever since I have found out about all this. YOU mean NOTHING to me. If you ever do make my life miserable when I grow up, I swear I'll make the whole world know I am not your girl anymore.

Mum, Please just sign the damn divorce papers. & I'm sorry I still can't forgive you, becos it's so hard to forget what you've said & done. But I care about you & I know you're trying to make things work, but when you're the only one trying, things will never work out.

I never thought that we would come to this part where I am thinking about the worst scenario.

Everyone keeps telling me, don't worry you know who you're gonna marry alr.

But when you feel like you're the only one trying so hard to please the other one, & he/she just keeps taking & not giving. It tires people out.

I just wanna see you make an effort.

I know you're tired, so am I now.

retarded.

2009-06-09T00:09:00.003+08:00

Well, about 15 minutes ago, I read something I probably shouldn't have. STUPID.

WHAT THE *TOOT* is wrong with me lar. RAWR.

ShIT MAN.

TELL ME how to stop thinking about it...

stupid feeling.

urgh. what the *toot*.

ARRRHH~!!!

shoot me & let me die. RAWR~

longlonglong.

2009-06-07T00:00:00.002+08:00

LOL. now in 'clique' we have 3 iPhones.

DEBBIE. we are the NON iPhone people now.. LOL..

Well, I went to that beancurd place at selegie && goodness. INFESTED LIKE MAD with cockroaches, && I mean it. Its really madness.

we were tempted to call NEA..

AHHH im so bored i dont know what to blog about.

damn.

but there's something..

I think some people are very hmmm.. CHILDISH!

its really annoying. urgh..

&& to decide whether or not he likes me FREAKS me out. =.=

random?

2009-05-30T00:54:00.004+08:00

I've no idea why, but I am not as mad as I thought I'll be about my laptop..

Oh btw, it died on me. -.- have to wait till like monday to get everything fixed.

Kinda tired, kinda happy, kinda worried.

&& pretty much nonchalant.

urgh. I don't know what I am doing out of a sudden.

But I felt something I haven't felt in awhile.

=X

despite everyone thinking I'm some horny person thinking about sex & whatsoever 24/7, I actually don't care.

Its pretty retarded when the ones accusing are those who are afraid to admit it..

tell me you don't & you're probably below 10 or just plain impotent && too embarrassed.

Get a life.

Changes.

2009-05-29T00:35:00.002+08:00

Amidst of high levels of changes, struggling to stay as who you are & be a better person is constant effort. You lose yourself lots of time..

I once told this to someone who hurt me very bad, "If I can prove to you that I've not changed in 2 years, ..."

The rest is private.

During that period when I dropped into depths of darkness, I constantly reminded myself with that statement, regularly just think about what I've done out of character.

It made me grow. I saw a very old letter today, & read it. Lots of memories came back among all the shit load of work.

Someone else told me this recently after we realise lots of people have changed, "I hope you don't change!"

Yet another reminder for myself. I don't want to change to a monster conformed to the menancing society.

Advice to everyone, take 10, 15 minutes before you sleep, think what you've done, said. maybe keep a journal.

See what you have done, reflect, are there things you shouldn't have said, done or even thought?

It helps with self growth.

My classmates (03) JESS'D, I'm very sorry for these few days, keep having to attend to other stuffs && missing out quite alot! I promise this is a phase. =) ily.

sarah... I miss you shit loads. I've so much to talk to you about... visit me before you fly home..=D ily. elephant juice.

baby, don't worry too much about me, I know that I'm stressed, && I'll be able to handle it. Thanks for all the support. iloveyou.

Changes. be done with.

bite me.

2009-05-24T23:13:00.004+08:00

I stood at the traffic light with my Oreo Mcflurry, crowded with people, just regular people, and took notice of this guy right in front of me, looked young, like 16-ish, with a bag of food in his hand & I went, "Oh, normal guy."

Looked up, green man, people rushed & squeezed to cross the road && I noticed this, that guy I noticed earlier was walking with a limp, an obvious limp..

I didn't really gawk so I just guessed maybe it's the length of the legs.

& couldn't help thinking, what happened? Was it an accident or was he born like that?

I tried to not feel pity but I can't imagine if that happened to me..

For that while I realised how fortunate I am with proper looks that don't scare people & with society required physical standards.

Well, It's just human nature to be not happy with whatever you have.

Applies to me PLAIN JANE.

AHHH. If I do die, the world still goes on people still bum around, have fun wake up eat & sleep.

the world sucks.

LOL.

ahh I'm stuck here with my paper tomorrow at 5.15pm but I've not even started reading.

&& I'm like bothered with all the other stuff like BLOGGING..

Well good luck to Sarah for her exam ( both me & the other sarah XD )

I was watching S factor just now && well I am happy Kay Kay won 'cos I think she's real.

with all the questions & challenges she's not afraid of anything. (or so I think)

hahaha. with her looks & figure I'll be as confident...

AHHH! I'm still contemplating on those braces. To be pretty or in NO pain?

vain piece of shit. ahh. stupid society. GET REAL. I AM UGLY & FAT.

die.

302nd POst.

2009-05-18T22:58:00.002+08:00

Here I am, with this emo feel from reading charleneyl again.

I have no idea why I'm reading it again.

iamme says:

*sighs

*i reading charlene's blog again

junYe`iamme` says :

*the girl who's bf died?

iamme says :

*yea

*u can rmb!

junYe`iamme` says :

*y go read

iamme says :

*in my other internet browser history ma

*so read lor

*=X

junYe`iamme` says :

*later u read liao sad again

*den hu si luan xiang

iamme says :

*pouts.

*orh.

junYe`iamme` says :

*not healthy ma

Reading it made me feel better, no offence to charlene, but it made me treasure what I have right now.

Even though sometimes things don't go our way, or people behave like a-holes, they are still _______ to you.

Baby, jiayou for exams k.

One thing stupid I always feel from her blog, HER BF IS SO MUCH SWEETER CAN! opps.

but. its true baby.. =D

It's lots of things that make you who I am right now. Even though I'm not popular, even though some people hate me, or don't take me seriously, it's good to know that some people do actually care.

It just surprises you who cared & who doesn't.

To those who know who you are, thanks for the replies to my super emo post & nick.

urgh. just die. b*tch.

My oh My.

2009-05-17T01:07:00.002+08:00

301st Post && It's still so freaking void of pictures.

I'm just confused.

I should really show you my pictures before & after All those SPSU camps.

1. NO PIMPLES! I look so darn pretty can. =X

2. My darn eyebags.

Thinking day by day, who are those that really love you && those who really are your friends.

I miss you SARAH ELIZABETH FREDA MARSHALL BOOLEY!

Get your ass here.

I'm drowning here..

So many times I've wished I could turn back time, but to which point exactly? to whom exactly?

Where did all of this start?

Maybe it should be back to 23 Oct 1991..

around 8am?

URGH. what is going on?

What in the world am I doing what ever I am doing?

SHIT. I'm thinking too much.

PLEASE..

I need what I need before I reach a limit so high that if I ever cross it & I'm foreseeing it, I'll burst into colourful fireworks && leave this place quietly.

Being independent is a satisfying thing, but too much of it will bring you down.

Being who you are not will drive you up the wall, but it helps.

Being who I am, will drive many people up the wall or so I've heard.

It boils down to me.

Why things wouldn't work out. Why things happen the way they do. And as I point fingers on others, 3 are back on me.

I need a reason, an understanding, a believe.

What is perfect? What have I been looking for?

Have I already found it or am I still lost?

One day. Just one day. tell me who I am for I've lived for others too long that I've lost myself.

I don't know who I am anymore & it sucks to stare blankly in space trying to find that out.

Maybe it's who I am. I just am nothing. Just living how & what people want of me..

I'm tired. really.